Tuesday, March 29, 2011

A change will do you good.

I've been thinking a lot lately about change. On a daily basis it seems, I see evidence of how much my life has changed and how I have changed with it. (To the contrary, however, whenever someone asks me "What's new?" it feels like I have nothing to say!)

Some of these changes feel like a normal evolution of personality and environment as the weeks, months and years go by. Some of these changes are troublesome to me and I tend to overthink them. Some of the changes are ones I can easily accept, and some are ones that I cannot and do not want to accept.

An example or two...

*I no longer have much interest in roaming the streets of Broad Ripple on the weekend nights, like I once did for 3-4 solid years. Now don't get me wrong; I love Broad Ripple and the things it has to offer. It was, as mentioned above, a pretty large part of my early- to mid-twenties. And there is still the occasional Saturday evening spent out at the bars until 2am with drinking and dancing present and accounted for. But as a general preference, I have lately found more joy in putting on sweats, making a martini and curling up on the couch with Netflix. Or, even better, game night at someone's home with beers and Apples to Apples. Yes, I know it sounds like I'm waving the flag of defeat to nightlife and partying; I'm really not. I'm simply pointing out that my limited expense fund for "Saturday night fun" gets more bang for its buck when spent at the liquor store, rather than the bar.

*I care more about things that I never had before and I wish I had cared more about these things ten years ago. Namely, the food I eat, where it comes from, buying American-made products, exercising enough, eating healthfully, adopting self-sustaining practices, learning how to garden, taking care of my body, responsible consumerism, and making real changes that reflect my political and social beliefs. I have found a lot of knowledge and good sense in making these things a bigger priority in my life, and I regret that it's taken me this long to get with a program that makes me feel like a productive, contributing human being.

*With married life and a house and yard to care for year-round, my quality time spent with my friends in a social setting has decreased and, thus, become more important to me when I have the opportunity to hang out with them. Recently, it's become clear to me that my daily life situation can differ so much from someone else's that there isn't much common ground left. An emotional distance just kind of snuck in, and I don't know how to handle it. (This might be one of those changes that get overthought!) I know that with negative change can come positive change, but it can throw me totally off my game when I least expect it, and I don't like that at all. And somehow, I feel less resilient. I feel hypersensitive to certain things and situations, and I'm certainly finding that one hard to adjust to.

So those are just a smattering of the examples of change I see right now in my life. Nothing devastating, nothing epic. Historically, I hate change; I like knowing what to expect and what to do. But obviously, change is going to happen whether I like it or not, so I guess I should embrace it and get comfy...my thirties are just around the corner, rife with change, possibility, opportunity and hopefully the occasional Saturday night spent closing down the bar...for old times' sake.

1 comment:

  1. That's some good blogging Maryann. Obviously I'm right there with you on the preferring home environments to crazy Broad Ripple nights all the time. Yay for eating right too! As for the decreased social life, I think it just sadly comes with everyone settling into careers/families because schedules get so different and busy, but we must keep having girls' nights at the very least! I've always been one to over think and be too sensitive about things, but I hope whatever this situation is works out for you. (Or if I did something to make you feel bad, smack me around a bit! ;)) (I don't know how my name will show up when I post, so this is Lisa F. by the way.)

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